My Blog

This is the first in an ongoing series of articles that I will be writing on my Blog on the first of every month. Topics will be broad ranging. I look forward to your comments and suggestions, and am prepared to customize my topics to address the ideas of my audience.

ARTICLE 1:  THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN DIVORCE

Growing up in a family that has experienced divorce, a child internalizes and comes to understand that life is unpredictable, unsafe and painfully disappointing. Everything as they once knew it will never be the same. From sharing daily dinners to the loss of the parent who left that used to read a bed time story every night before they lay down to shut their eyes and end another day. A child learns the harsh realities of life all too soon resulting in losing trust in the world around them because their world has ultimately just been shattered.  

I would like to emphasize those lessons that can be both healing and transforming to whoever is affected by the breakup of a family at an early age. Something that we, as a society, don’t focus on are the lessons and positive growth aspects that can come out of something that we know far too well as being thought to be a predictor to further negative issues in a child’s development. The lessons we can learn from studying this behavior, early on, can be very predictive longer term. If not carefully evaluated, key indicators of future negative behavior will often be missed. Potentially resulting in years of unnecessary stress for the child and the family.  

In treating various children and adolescents over the years, I’ve tried to incorporate some of these ideas into my sessions in helping them to heal and grow into healthier beings.

Perhaps it is even worse than divorce, when so many parents stay together just to keep the family unit intact. This can also have severe negative implications such as: observing their parents in a loveless marriage which can teach a child that settling in life is okay and there is no such thing as true love and partnership; or that arguing and speaking inappropriately and abusively toward one another is acceptable. Having a child observe, on a consistent basis, This kind of behavior instills fear and heartache and can lead to a lifetime of seeking out partners and relationships that are replicas of their parents, i.e., abusive, unfulfilling, unhappy and unloving without passion and true intimacy.

On the other hand, a child whose parents have divorced, has usually begun a journey of self reflection because of the negative effects of the separation. Children of divorce start developing self-awareness early on because one of the parents usually has sought out therapy for them as a way for a child to process and heal from the trauma that they have endured. Children become self-aware, as they grow into adults, they have a stronger sense of who they are, often select a long term partner that is on a similar level as them.

Children of divorce, are innately more precocious and better equipped emotionally to deal with life's stressors . In fact, Adult children of divorce are more apt to wait to find a mate and work on improving themselves because they want the opposite of what they grew up with, They are more willing to work through their issues, because ultimately they don’t want to end up like their parents:--- Divorced. 

I hope you took something away from this article that is meaningful to you, and how you think about the challenges of "Life Stages". In this case, I took on the reality of divorce and its positive impact on children. This gives you a "peak under the tent" for how I will be approaching future articles on this site. Again, I encourage you to send in your thoughts and comments to info@suzannesilver.info. I look forward to hearing from you and developing a strong relationship with you. Please check in often and forward this to all of your friends. I'm sure they will appreciate it and anyone you might feel that would benefit from my services.

TO A HEALING WORLD

Suzanne Silver,LMSW